expectations

sometimes it's hard to live up to your estimation of others' expectations from you. when you're in school or college, you have so much potential... or at least people think you do. so that when you're at home, not working, maybe looking after kids, you feel the weight of their collective disappointment in what you made of your life. when did it become so taboo to be unemployed? liberation is about the freedom to make choices, not the enforcement of one set of choices as opposed to another. being forced to work is as bad as being forced to stay at home. but then, nobody's forcing you for anything, it's just the voices in your head judging you. maybe they will eventually help you get out of inertia when it's time, but for now, they're a pain in the nether area!

being a woman

the older i grow, the more i notice the differences between men and women. women are mothers - whether we are daughters or sisters or wives or mothers or grandmothers, we do a lot of mothering in any relationship with a man. whereas for each other, we don't automatically go into mother mode. i think we get the short end of the stick... men get to be babies all their lives and we get to do all the work. :P

the digital age robber

did anybody catch this article in TOI? freaky! apparently, robbers are now tracking you on twitter to find out when you go on a vacation or weekend away, so they can come take your stuff away! this happens because we allow strangers all too easily to track us on social networking websites, especially twitter. the survey sent out a 100 test friend requests on facebook and twitter, and 13% were accepted on facebook and 93% on twitter! and it's especially the younger users who give away such information, such as children or teenagers in your household. my god, it really gives you to think before you tweet away about your dream vacation!

Terror - the Aftermath

we are now looking for scapegoats to pin the blame on, and then to be able to forget about the whole matter. politicians' resignations are being asked for left, right and centre. will that solve anything? are there any good ones to replace the ones who are resigning? if anything, atleast the ones who resign show they have some conscience of some kind.
this is the kind of attack that is virtually impossible to stop, no matter which part of the world you happen to be in. these are fatalistic men, prepared to risk all, worked up to a frenzy by their belief in the injustice on their people for centuries. how will you battle them by making 2-3 politicians resign?
in my opinion, the thing to do is to have a better, more organized, more responsive central intelligence agency in the country that is dedicated to fighting terrorism. we need to not only have advance intelligence, we need somebody who will take it seriously and take appropriate action. it now appears there was prior knowledge of the attack on the taj, the planned entry by sea-routes and even mumbai as a target by armed gunmen. but nobody took any appropriate action, and hence we were not prepared. granted, it is probably hard to sift through all the false warnings and threats to get to the few that actually mean something - all the more reason to have a central intelligence agency!
alas, it seems there's no alternative but to increase spending on defence. it's such a pity, because we really need the money to be spent on our nation's development. the terrorists are targeting the strongest nations with a clear agenda - bring down the superpowers, reduce all to the mess that their own nations are in. why don't u spend all that time and energy in making your nations better instead? a**holes!


just heard some good news on bbc - the Indian PM has actually set up a central intelligence agency that will deal exclusively with terrorism, and has augmented the forces involved in anti-terrorist operations. he also mentioned that this is the time for all political parties to rise above petty political differences and present a united front against this unprecedented threat. bravo, mr. manmohan, you do us proud!

Terror strikes Mumbai

the madness is unbelievable. so many killed, so many injured. and after 12 hours, the nightmare still continues, with hostage situations in both Taj and Oberoi hotels. kill the motherfuckers!!! kill them dead!!! i am raging and grieving for my people, i want to be back home as soon as possible. i'm worried where this will lead. how long will these terror strikes continue? will it become a full-fledged war situation? just when my country was doing so well! maybe that's the reason india's being singled out in this way. maybe that's what's motivating these bastards - jealousy of what they cannot achieve. and we're an easy target anyway, with our large, poor and susceptible population and geographical location. why does a human being fall prey to extremist mindwashing anyway? isn't there any innate sense or logic or humanity inside him? there has to be something inside him that wants to kill and murder and inflict pain and grief and terror. i blame the ones that hold the guns as much as the brains behind the ones that hold the guns. they deserve everything that's coming to them. i hope our army finds and shoots each and every one of those fucking god-playing hostage-taking bastards, and tortures the rest beyond human belief. retaliate!!! WE REFUSE TO LIVE IN FEAR!!!

bowling for columbine

isn't it ironic that on the day i saw this movie, i also read this article. a man got shot at in the chest while mowing his lawn, and was saved only because he had his phone in his pocket. and it wasn't any revenge story either! it was a random bullet somebody fired maybe a quarter of a mile away just for target practice or something!!! can you believe that??? seriously, people should rethink the second amendment.
bowling for columbine was the usual michael moore fare, pretty much along the same lines as fahrenheit 9/11. i'm glad there's somebody out there tracking and talking about these things. making us think and rethink our choices. i agree with him that firearms should not be so easily available. it's like what i said about drugs earlier - easy availability tends to push borderline cases over the edge. and this is even more serious than drugs; people don't just hurt themselves here, but others. innocent others. i'm all for restraining sale of firearms to those with proper licenses, identification and records.
in this movie, moore made another point - hysteria created by the press keeps everyone scared and panicky, and that causes people to react in extreme ways. and with firearms in so many households, who knows what that could turn into? i agree with him about the press-created hysteria. nowhere else do i see such sensationalization of news as i do on cnn. if the economy is doing badly, it's not just doing badly, it's taking the whole world down with it. if there has been a terrorist attack on the US, it's not just been a terrorist attack, it has been the worst terrorist attack in the history of terrorist attacks. maybe it's the american obsession with supersizing everything. who knows? a canadian girl in the movie puts it best - people don't think, don't negotiate, don't talk, they just react; we'll just kill you, and that's the end of that.
there are so many great things about american society. u're path forgers for the rest of the world in so many ways. is this the kind of murky underbelly u wanna have? guys, get a grip?

all the world's a stage

sometimes the world seems like such a cruel place to live in. people committing mindless petty acts of bitchiness for no rhyme or reason, or maybe just cheap thrills. of course one wants to say one is completely innocent of all such acts and the bewildered victim, but obviously the thing that hurts the most is that one finds these flaws within oneself too. it is easy to forget what the world does, but v hard to forgive and forget oneself. they say women over-analyze every detail of what happens in their lives. i wish we weren't built that way. really, i wish we had some control over what we could be, like going to a computer store and selecting harmonious components to build a good system. right now it seems everything is being bunged in just hotch-potch, reaching out for the first thing on the shelf, so that we're ending up with completely unbalanced people without any emotional stability (i.e. me). i don't think sitting at home agrees with me. too much time. i need to be overworked to be happy. sigh, always wanting what is not...

blame it on the neighbors

there's been a bomb blast in islamabad today - the marriott hotel lies in ruins, several fatalities. i feel terrible... and guilty. i have always been told that pakistan is behind the terrorism attacking my country, deliberately sabotaging our peace to gain control of our territories, and worse - harboring and even training terrorists and then sending them to our country to kill us. and i'm sure everyone was secretly or not-so-secretly blaming them for the series of blasts hitting india lately. now that there is a bomb blast in their country as well, i don't know what to think. i don't know whether i should call it a cover-up job to convince the west that they're not behind the indian terror attacks, or whether i should empathize since they're in the same situation as us. no matter what it is though, the pakistani person on the street is no better off than the indian person on the street. no matter who wins this war, we lose. our lives, our children, our peace. what is the solution???

under threat

this is a sad day. my country is under repeated attacks from idiots who believe they're achieving something by killing little children. it is hard not to be filled with rage and helplessness. it is hard not to rant on and on about the uselessness and pointlessness of it all. the ones who do it are not listening. will they ever realize that this is not the answer?

Are we animals???

I was watching this animal rescue show on one of the nature channels on tv. It's so depressing to see in what condition house pets are sometimes kept. Why do people think they're the lords of creation? They take animals as pets when nobody is forcing them to, and then don't feed them or look after them, or worse, are cruel to them, and make them wish they'd never been born! What gives us the right to do that? Animals are made for love, the only beings in the world capable of unconditional silent devotion! They're like children that trust us and depend on us for everything! It is NOT OK to mistreat them! Thank God somebody's monitoring the situation and taking maltreated animals away from their "owners".
I loved my dog and I miss him every day. He was the most beautiful brindle boxer that was specially hiding in a hell-hole for us to rescue. He had three different kinds of worms when we got him, as well as near-starvation, asthma and slight starvation-related muscular under-development similar to rickets. Boxers don't do so well in a hot country like India. It took us nearly six months to get him completely healthy again, and he was faithfully ours for the rest of his shorter-than-usual life. Such a beautiful dog, and so naughty! He conquered our hearts and ruled our lives. He had the best blanket in the house but would only wait till Dad dozed off to jump up slyly onto his bed. If you made a strange noise that he'd never heard before, he'd cock his head around from side to side trying to figure out what the matter with you was. He was so patient that once when I didn't see him behind me and stepped back onto his toe, the poor thing went and hid but never retaliated in any way. Would you be able to do that? A darling, darling boy that left a space in our family, our lives, our hearts that we will never be able to fill again. If you think he was just an animal, you seriously need to get one yourself. Most likely you'll be talking to your pet within a month. :)
I want to get another dog, but we're here in this country only temporarily and I don't know what it would involve to take him back with us to a country with a very different climate. And if we're not able to take him/her, it would just break my heart. So I wait... But God, I miss having that interaction. It's on another level, a more basic, instinctive level, something we can't achieve with humans because they're too developed.

To beget, or not to beget...

You know, in the world as it is today, it is becoming more and more difficult to justify making the traditional choices to your friends! If you're a big city-big school type, you'll have come across the standard feminist theories about self-realization and not having to bend to the pressure of society to fulfill traditional roles of wife and mother. But if you've been through that education system and still want to fulfill those traditional roles, out of choice heaven forbid, suddenly you're an outcast! Nowadays it's not rebellion if you wanna sleep with your boyfriend before marriage, it's rebellion if you don't!!! In my opinion, this is as much against feminism as I understand it as enforcing traditional roles was. To be truly fulfilled, it is freedom of choice I need, whatever those choices may be! Women, stop enforcing gender roles on me, no matter in which direction! 25 years of school, and I'm still succumbing to the most ancient hormonal impulses hehe...

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

I was stumbling around the web (addicted to Stumble Upon!) and found this very interesting article for legalizing drug use. Click here to read it. It makes some very good points.
I guess allowing people to make their own choice about drugs is OK, but all I'm worried about is my own (prospective) kids having free access to such life-altering chemicals without proper information on the effects such chemicals can have on their lives. I would want them to at least be adults, and completely aware before making such a decision, and not teenagers under peer pressure. I think making these things hard to get protects many borderline cases to stay this side of the line.
In light of this article though, it does seem that legalizing them is a much better and safer option than the current situation. But the solution I'd suggest is to have an age barrier for their sale, just like alcohol - make age verification compulsory before sale and restrict points of sale to chemists or pharmacies with qualified pharmicists, not just some overworked bored teenage supermarket clerk who's not even going to bother checking ID properly.
What do you think?

aliens from another planet

some people you meet really seem to be from another planet. it's impossible to understand what motivates them to act as they do. especially when they act maliciously or rudely without any perceptible provocation. perhaps they have secret sorrows or simply bad upbringing that makes them incapable of predictable social responses. and then, not everyone is alike. but in our quiet regulated worlds where most people act with acceptable social manners, it's hard to know how to cope with those few who are... different.
i've recently had to cope with a person whom i completely fail to understand! she is rude without provocation, takes malicious delight in troubling me and denying me by devious routes whatever it is i want, and yet i find it hard to dislike her! you see, i have a theory - i believe you can judge people by the company they keep. i'm still testing it out, but it seems to be true. and the strange thing is - this hateful, rude, spiteful, masterful woman has really nice friends! people who are witty, funny, sweet and easy to talk to. so according to my theory, there has to be some side to this woman that is likeable, different from the side she consistently shows to me. recently i had the opportunity to watch her interact with one of her closest friends, and i was amazed by the change i saw in her! she was funny, flirty, amusing... charming!!!!!! it was most disturbing hehe. so is my theory wrong, or is there more to her than meets the eye, or is there more to the people around her than meets the eye? it's difficult to understand her tantrums, her paranoia, her persecution complexes - to see her at one moment almost desperately reaching out for friendship and at another violating your trust by repudiating your friendly overtures in the most rude and violent fashion! what IS it with her???????

Einstein spoke, and it was so...

One of the smartest men in the history of mankind spoke thus:

"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving..." - Albert Einstein

Why are we on this earth? Why do we have no clue if we have a purpose or a destiny to fulfil? We can believe whatever we choose to believe, make of this life whatever we wish, and die not knowing any better than what we were born with - is there a larger purpose to our existence? I suppose in a way life is an end in itself - experience makes it worthwhile. Fall in love, have kids, walk the magical path of sensual exploration. And then die??? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust??? It's like training a resource for months and, just when he's fully trained and ready to work, firing him! I guess that's why we like to believe in our immortal souls, to convince ourselves that our actions have some larger, eternal significance.
Perhaps the idea is that one particular individual is not significant, but the work of mankind adds up over the centuries and results in progress. So many great scientific minds have expressed gratitude for the shoulders of the giants they stand upon every time they switch on a lightbulb! Yes, that is true - if it weren't for men far more gifted than I who have gone before me, my life would not be what it is today. I take it for granted, shrug my shoulders, and pass on my two bits to the next generation, but if you think for a bit, you are benefitting from other men's genius without having done anything to deserve it! Are we really just bricks in the wall, who slowly fall in place so that other bricks may lay on us? Then why do we have ego, self-consciousness, self-love? It seems like such a wasteful and redundant emotion in such a marvellously cost-effective world!
Perhaps it is as Einstein says - we can get glimpses of true purpose in a smile on a beloved face. We do our best according to our lights, and that's all there is to it. Perhaps it doesn't mean much to the universe, but the way we're constructed, if we've got love in our hearts and a song on our lips, it's pretty much all we asked for! :)