we mourn

Can anybody explain to this boy why he is attending his mommy and daddy's funeral after they were killed by terrorists in Nariman House, Mumbai and his whole life as he knows it came to an end? At 2 years old, this baby will never feel the embrace or affection of his parents ever again, and maybe will not even be able to remember them! Why???

Terror - the Aftermath

we are now looking for scapegoats to pin the blame on, and then to be able to forget about the whole matter. politicians' resignations are being asked for left, right and centre. will that solve anything? are there any good ones to replace the ones who are resigning? if anything, atleast the ones who resign show they have some conscience of some kind.
this is the kind of attack that is virtually impossible to stop, no matter which part of the world you happen to be in. these are fatalistic men, prepared to risk all, worked up to a frenzy by their belief in the injustice on their people for centuries. how will you battle them by making 2-3 politicians resign?
in my opinion, the thing to do is to have a better, more organized, more responsive central intelligence agency in the country that is dedicated to fighting terrorism. we need to not only have advance intelligence, we need somebody who will take it seriously and take appropriate action. it now appears there was prior knowledge of the attack on the taj, the planned entry by sea-routes and even mumbai as a target by armed gunmen. but nobody took any appropriate action, and hence we were not prepared. granted, it is probably hard to sift through all the false warnings and threats to get to the few that actually mean something - all the more reason to have a central intelligence agency!
alas, it seems there's no alternative but to increase spending on defence. it's such a pity, because we really need the money to be spent on our nation's development. the terrorists are targeting the strongest nations with a clear agenda - bring down the superpowers, reduce all to the mess that their own nations are in. why don't u spend all that time and energy in making your nations better instead? a**holes!


just heard some good news on bbc - the Indian PM has actually set up a central intelligence agency that will deal exclusively with terrorism, and has augmented the forces involved in anti-terrorist operations. he also mentioned that this is the time for all political parties to rise above petty political differences and present a united front against this unprecedented threat. bravo, mr. manmohan, you do us proud!

Terror strikes Mumbai

the madness is unbelievable. so many killed, so many injured. and after 12 hours, the nightmare still continues, with hostage situations in both Taj and Oberoi hotels. kill the motherfuckers!!! kill them dead!!! i am raging and grieving for my people, i want to be back home as soon as possible. i'm worried where this will lead. how long will these terror strikes continue? will it become a full-fledged war situation? just when my country was doing so well! maybe that's the reason india's being singled out in this way. maybe that's what's motivating these bastards - jealousy of what they cannot achieve. and we're an easy target anyway, with our large, poor and susceptible population and geographical location. why does a human being fall prey to extremist mindwashing anyway? isn't there any innate sense or logic or humanity inside him? there has to be something inside him that wants to kill and murder and inflict pain and grief and terror. i blame the ones that hold the guns as much as the brains behind the ones that hold the guns. they deserve everything that's coming to them. i hope our army finds and shoots each and every one of those fucking god-playing hostage-taking bastards, and tortures the rest beyond human belief. retaliate!!! WE REFUSE TO LIVE IN FEAR!!!

eulogy to a brother in arms

in the words of phoebe buffay: "it's a sucky life! and just when you think it can't suck no more, it does!" fuckall cruel joke we are, mortal and fallible, dying before our time.
yugraj was his name, but he did not rule the world, not even his own world. a little boy inside the man. the eldest and the youngest of us all. my darling, darling brother, i miss you!

biji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vague unrest

there really should be more fonts to write with without having to know HTML! how on earth do i use bradley hand ITC, for instance? that's what i wanna use to say what i wanna say!
so many people are doing so many good things with their lives. real, useful lives. i chose to give up my job and follow my husband to norway on the principle that it's impossible for two people in today's world to remain together and still have perfect, A-class careers. i don't mistrust that decision - being with the man i love is my number one priority and when there are such choices to be made, it's all a matter of priorities. but i'm used to working all the time, and this empty time on my hand just hangs... so heavily! there's a vague unrest in my gut all the time because i'm used to being out there, doing it, and not just sitting at home spending each day in a sort of daze, trying to be a good wife by urging myself to cook but failing to motivate myself to get up, and then feeling guilty about it all.
it's easy to say, get out there and do it! fact is, it's tough to get back on track once u've derailed a lil bit. i know i could be out there discovering this beautiful new city, going to museums, going for walks, doing SOMETHING! but fact is, it's sub-zero out there, and man i feel cold! :) so i just huddle in front of a telly all day and feel like jumping on the sofa by the time it's evening, i've got so much pent-up energy in me which doesn't wanna get spent on household chores.
i can't be like the other indian wives here, who seem to be so content in helping their mates to save the maximum amount of money by never spending a dime on looking pretty or having a good time, cooking every meal at home and dutifully folding up their desires into small lace napkins waiting to be unwrapped and lived when back home in india. i want to live now!!! but a part of me also wants to save some money so we can have a better life when we get home, which was kinda the whole point why we came out here in the first place. that, and seeing europe!
resolve for the day: nice, long walk tomorrow! donno how i'll manage with dryer duty - stupid dryer that needs to be reset every 20 minutes, or it keeps incessantly beeping, and u have to sit on its head for nearly 3-4 hours to get all the clothes done, one day in every week. ridiculous to imagine that this is supposed to be a labour-saving device, and yet it ties me down more effectively than a wood stove would have done!!! when i have enough money, i'll have a machine that does the washing AND the drying, quietly, without complaining, and then sits quietly with the clothes till i'm ready to come back home and take 'em out. when i have enough money...
is there any such thing? enough money, i mean? there's never enough, is there? today it's just me and my hubby and we run short of all our dreams, guess what it'll be tomorrow with lil kids and all their bills to be paid!!! fact is, it's a consumer market, there are more things out there than you will ever be able to buy or even need, and there will always be something fabulously beautiful that you'll burn your heart over not being able to buy! that's what the world economy survives on!!! more than enough for every man's greed, but where's the money?
are you free because you read books on people working in the gulf war, set "free as a bird" as your mobile phone ring tone, write blogs when you feel restless and spend your days hoping to achieve your goals tomorrow? always tomorrow...
tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life... what does that mean??????? it's the stupidest thing i ever heard. is that supposed to motivate me? is that the flag-bearer of a new and rosy dawn? grrrr!
"blackbirds singing in the dead of night... take these broken wings and learn to fly! all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arrive! ... you were only waiting for this moment to be free!" the beatles gave me soul-words.