vague unrest

there really should be more fonts to write with without having to know HTML! how on earth do i use bradley hand ITC, for instance? that's what i wanna use to say what i wanna say!
so many people are doing so many good things with their lives. real, useful lives. i chose to give up my job and follow my husband to norway on the principle that it's impossible for two people in today's world to remain together and still have perfect, A-class careers. i don't mistrust that decision - being with the man i love is my number one priority and when there are such choices to be made, it's all a matter of priorities. but i'm used to working all the time, and this empty time on my hand just hangs... so heavily! there's a vague unrest in my gut all the time because i'm used to being out there, doing it, and not just sitting at home spending each day in a sort of daze, trying to be a good wife by urging myself to cook but failing to motivate myself to get up, and then feeling guilty about it all.
it's easy to say, get out there and do it! fact is, it's tough to get back on track once u've derailed a lil bit. i know i could be out there discovering this beautiful new city, going to museums, going for walks, doing SOMETHING! but fact is, it's sub-zero out there, and man i feel cold! :) so i just huddle in front of a telly all day and feel like jumping on the sofa by the time it's evening, i've got so much pent-up energy in me which doesn't wanna get spent on household chores.
i can't be like the other indian wives here, who seem to be so content in helping their mates to save the maximum amount of money by never spending a dime on looking pretty or having a good time, cooking every meal at home and dutifully folding up their desires into small lace napkins waiting to be unwrapped and lived when back home in india. i want to live now!!! but a part of me also wants to save some money so we can have a better life when we get home, which was kinda the whole point why we came out here in the first place. that, and seeing europe!
resolve for the day: nice, long walk tomorrow! donno how i'll manage with dryer duty - stupid dryer that needs to be reset every 20 minutes, or it keeps incessantly beeping, and u have to sit on its head for nearly 3-4 hours to get all the clothes done, one day in every week. ridiculous to imagine that this is supposed to be a labour-saving device, and yet it ties me down more effectively than a wood stove would have done!!! when i have enough money, i'll have a machine that does the washing AND the drying, quietly, without complaining, and then sits quietly with the clothes till i'm ready to come back home and take 'em out. when i have enough money...
is there any such thing? enough money, i mean? there's never enough, is there? today it's just me and my hubby and we run short of all our dreams, guess what it'll be tomorrow with lil kids and all their bills to be paid!!! fact is, it's a consumer market, there are more things out there than you will ever be able to buy or even need, and there will always be something fabulously beautiful that you'll burn your heart over not being able to buy! that's what the world economy survives on!!! more than enough for every man's greed, but where's the money?
are you free because you read books on people working in the gulf war, set "free as a bird" as your mobile phone ring tone, write blogs when you feel restless and spend your days hoping to achieve your goals tomorrow? always tomorrow...
tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life... what does that mean??????? it's the stupidest thing i ever heard. is that supposed to motivate me? is that the flag-bearer of a new and rosy dawn? grrrr!
"blackbirds singing in the dead of night... take these broken wings and learn to fly! all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arrive! ... you were only waiting for this moment to be free!" the beatles gave me soul-words.